Sworn In!

This evening I was sworn in as a guardian ad lidem for Collin County,phew, talk about pressure. Truthfully, I am super excited about this opportunity but it IS a big deal. This is not volunteering on the weekend once a month, this is a life choice to help children any time they need it. And that scares me. We were told some gruesome stuff during training that we will come across and it makes you see what these children are dealing with, internally and externally. So I will get my first case soon...

Me+CASA

Well, I had an interview on Tuesday with CASA and(so far) I'm in. All of the volunteers have to take 30 hours of training classes which begin tomorrow at 8am and continue on for the next week and a half. After the interview I was excited because this seems to be exactly what I thought it would be, and I am still a little scared. Each member has to make a one year commitment to the program and I know that I am not ready for what will come...but Christ is! My hope is that through the training, the waiting, the children, the pain, the horror, the joy, and the tears I will experience(whether I see it or not) the work of God in my life and the lives of those around me. I want to preemptively thank everyone who prays/is praying for me because it may seem at some times I have forgotten that you do, but He reminds me of your love. I will update as much as possible.

But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept she stooped to look into the tomb. And she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. They said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him." Having said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?" Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away." Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned and said to him in Aramaic,"Rabboni!" (which means Teacher). Jesus said to her, "Do not cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to my brothers and say to them, 'I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord"—and that he had said these things to her.

And as they led him away, they seized one Simon of Cyrene, who was coming in from the country, and laid on him the cross, to carry it behind Jesus. And there followed him a great multitude of the people and of women who were mourning and lamenting for him. But turning to them Jesus said, "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For behold, the days are coming when they will say, 'Blessed are the barren and the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!' Then they will begin to say to the mountains, 'Fall on us,' and to the hills, 'Cover us.'For if they do these things when the wood is green, what will happen when it is dry?"
Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." And they cast lots to divide his garments. And the people stood by, watching, but the rulers scoffed at him, saying, "He saved others; let him save himself, if he is the Christ of God, his Chosen One!" The soldiers also mocked him, coming up and offering him sour wine and saying, "If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!" There was also an inscription over him, "This is the King of the Jews."
One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, "Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!"But the other rebuked him, saying, "Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong." And he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."And he said to him, "Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise."
It was now about the sixth hour, and there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour, while the sun’s light failed. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!" And having said this he breathed his last. Now when the centurion saw what had taken place, he praised God, saying, "Certainly this man was innocent!" And all the crowds that had assembled for this spectacle, when they saw what had taken place, returned home beating their breasts. And all his acquaintances and the women who had followed him from Galilee stood at a distance watching these things.

Least of These

I had many misconceptions about marriage before mine, I think everyone does. The aspect of self denial caught me off guard more than anything. Within months of being married I recognized the many layers of selfishness I had wrapped myself in. To this day I am ashamed of the pride and arrogance I bring before my wife and even more my God. Those hidden qualities have bore the fruit of envy, self service, and covetousness. I find myself wanting what one neighbor has and showing off what the other does not. The only cure for this is the humility found in Christ, I cannot beat this. I feel the only thing I can do is sacrifice my life for Him, and I am reminded of Matthew 25...

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'

So I have decided to serve the "least of these" in one capacity. I am going to volunteer for a group called CASA(Court Appointed Special Advocate). CASA volunteers are appointed by judges to watch over and advocate for abused and neglected children, to make sure they don’t get lost in the overburdened legal and social service system or languish in an inappropriate group or foster home. They stay with each case until it is closed, and the child is placed in a safe, permanent home. For many abused children, their CASA volunteer will be the one constant adult presence—the one adult who cares only for them. I have an interview next Tuesday April 14 at 10am with someone in the McKinney office. I am scared to death, but excited at the possibilities. If you do read this, please be praying for me. I really need it.

The Best Deal

So I read this random quote on a day by day tear out calendar:

"Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is, without a doubt, the best deal man has ever made." Roger Caras

Somewhere in here is a relatable spiritual lesson for me. I guess if I could change it, it would go like this:

"God has given us His absolute all. He should be the center of our universe. He should be the focus of our love and faith and trust. He loves us in return for scraps. It is, without a doubt, the best deal man has ever received."

Religion vs. Relationship II

This October my wife and I will have been married for 4 years, but we have known each other for 9. Because we have spent so much time together there are times that I know exactly what she is thinking and vice versa. There is an unspoken language between us that motivates me to do things for her that I necessarily wouldn't do for anyone else, I know what makes her happy and sad and angry. When I choose to do the right thing for her, I don't pray about it or wait for a sign from her, I just do it because I love her. However, I don't always make great decisions. I have hurt her many times in our relationship, sometimes very deeply. Thankfully she has forgiven me for those things, and it has drawn me closer to her so when I choose to do the right thing for her out of love it's because I remember what she has done for me and it humbles my heart. In that humility, I am drawn closer to her and her to me. Therefore, how did I ever believe that my relationship with God could be any different. Not only has He forgiven me for countless more sins, but He loves me far more.

For the past few years I have been walking around with a religious chip on my shoulder, blaming others for the state of the church with malicious intent in my heart. Yet I never did a thing about it but complain and let my pride harden my heart further towards others and towards God. How did I get to that point? Could it have been that I practiced religion instead of pursuing a relationship?

Over the past few months I have had several conversations about being a Christian and a common response I get is a dislike or even disgust with religion. People refuse to hear the gospel not because they primarily hate God (they don't know Him, how could they?) but because of some experience they have had with religion, whether it be a church or individual. I had a girl tell me she didn't care about God because some people she was staying with had taken her before the church one day and rebuked her for specific sins in her life, she wasn't a christian. The part of the story that pierces me now is my reaction to it, "Not me, I would never do that." Man, the pride just rises up out of my heart. Although I hurt for that girl, I also hurt for that family who thought what they were doing was right. Religion can hurt not only those who are victims of it but also those who practice it. So, where am I going with this?

Religion says "Do these things and you will get to heaven", Jesus says "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."(John13:6) Jesus Christ is not a religion, He is the living Son of God, practice of certain deeds does not do any good if I have no relationship with Him. I am not completely against religious activities: i.e. church attendance, quiet times, bible studies, summer retreats. However, if I make these things ultimately important to who I am before God I feel I am an idolater, I hide my pride and selfishness behind "godly" activities which don't draw me closer to Him because I refuse to let go of my sin. Honestly, I love my pride too dearly to let it go. Because I know I can't fix this, what am I to do?

Religion vs. Relationship

When I was younger I grew up going to church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, and like most of my peers it was more a social event than a spiritual time. It seems to me that most of my "spiritual" experiences were rededications to Christ at summer camp followed by a few days of repentance from sin that I had never even acknowledged I'd committed. As I look back, I wonder if I ever meant any of it or if what occurred within me was not brokenness for my sin but an emotional response to the solitude and religious nature of summer camp. Because it never led me to the joy I know exists in Christ I have to question the "repentance" I experienced and even if my relationship in Him at that time in my life was real. If I could define what I think was going on I would say it was religion, and that's the problem.

The idea behind the religion I practiced was one that says, "I'm okay, you're okay, let's figure out how to beat the problem." My posture before God at that time (and admittedly sometimes still is) was I only needed Him to get to heaven. Surely Jesus had died for my sins and rose 3 days later to conquer death, and through Him I had received a free ticket into heaven because I agreed with that notion. But I never had faith. How could I have? I didn't know Jesus Christ at all. Unlike my relationships with my friends I had never spent any time getting to know Him. For me, the belief in the idea of Christ's sacrifice was enough. Therefore, I spent many years in relative comfort fixing my own problems, forgiving my own sins.

To refute the idea that the church let me down or that my spiritual zombieism was the fault of someone else I want to be clear: I was/am the problem, no one else. In the end, I will stand before the LORD by myself and my deeds are my own. Recently, I have realized that the actions I do that I despise come not from a lack of knowledge or lack of love but from a lack of humility. Pride runs rampant through my heart. I will fix my problems, I will be a good man, I will lead others to Christ! I am the problem. My religion is my problem. Because I was "raised" in a church environment there are so many "christian terms" I can use to justify my wicked heart which leads me to wicked actions. I can brush off rebuke by "praying about it" or "admitting I'm a sinner", but I rarely fall on my face humbly before Christ begging for forgiveness and mercy. Religion has been suffocating my relationship with Him.

READ THIS NOW! REALLY IMPORTANT!

Dear Chain Mail Sender,
I know that you feel it is important for your ongoing financial success/life expectancy to send me every chain email that you receive, I would like to politely request/rudely tell you to stop sending them to me. While I am not apathetic by any means towards cute baby animals/racial intolerance I do not agree that things will be made better through html/continual annoyance. If I choose to tell someone about my love for our miliary/best friend, I'll do it face to face. I also have to disagree with your stance that blessings from God/good luck are equal to how many others I forward this email to. So what I'm trying to say is please stop sending me emails/texts about the latest conspiracy theory/religious revelation that you've seen/heard of, because I am not interested/don't care.

Thank you
Me

P.S. Tell 10 friends about this blog or you will die in the next 90 years.

Genuine Gratitude

I know it's not the season, but I wish I would react like this to any gift I receive.

The More You Know...

I have often wondered what it would be like to unearth a "real" genie in a bottle and what I would do with the resulting 3 wishes. Of course money, better looks, and some form of supernatural ability come to mind, but then, would I be given the exact thing I wished for or what I actually meant by my wish? For example, if I wished for the ability to fly couldn't my genie easily transform me into a bird or bestow upon me some mutant wings? So, in this case I would have to be extremely specific about how I wanted to acquire and apply my gift of flight, and in this case I feel it may warrant a well put together essay so their is no mistaking what I am asking for. I would have to think about altitude complications, other air crafts, and some approach to keeping bugs out of my face, and that's only wish number one.

What I'm trying to say here is, be careful when stumbling upon some bejeweled bottle on the beach and think about how complicated life could get if one word is off or one detail is missed in the wish process.

Theology and the Nightly News

I watched the national news tonight for the first time in a long while, and it made me heartsick. Admittedly, the news is usually full of terrible stories, but it wasn't necessarily the stories that affected me so much as the way I felt myself responding to them. The first report was on the new economic stimulus package and I listened as pundits from both sides argued the pros vs. the cons and I felt myself having this visceral reaction to the worry of my fiscal future... and it scared me. Why am I feeling this way about meaningless monetary troubles? Don't misunderstand me, I am not apathetic towards this current situation and I certainly empathize with people who have children and a mortgage and have lost their job, but as a christian why am I worrying?

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matt. 6:31-34

The stories that followed only added to my fear for this world and my longing for the next; the California woman with 14 kids, including preemie octuplets, who may soon lose her house because she has no job and cannot pay her mortgage, the woman brutally attacked by her friend's pet ape, a 13 year old boy in Britain who's parent are using him for profit because he fathered a baby with a 15 year old girl. Honestly, it confuses and hurts me, and the world we live in is dying.

For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. 1John 2:16-17

On the right side of this page is an area where I attempted to humorously tell you about myself, for a second I want to be very honest about who I am. Sometimes I walk outside at night, maybe to take the dogs out or move the car, and I look up at the stars for a few minutes. I think to myself about how beautiful they are, so simple and sparkling, and the distance that exists between me and them and how I know that God created them for his pleasure and that he knows each one of them by name. Eventually my thoughts turn to Him and me, and how like those stars he somehow finds beauty in me because He created me for His pleasure. I say this because I know I am finding my pleasure and purpose in the things of this world. My job, my bills, my desires usually come before the fact that I want to please my Father who loves me and His Son who gave himself for me.

I watched the news tonight to catch up on current events and to just get informed, and ended up having my eyes opened to the state of this world and the daily realization that it is dying, decaying, and lost and there is no time to be focused on it, but rather I should seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness first.

I need therapy...

...and there are many reasons why (just ask my family). Though I want to make it clear, I'm not "clinically insane" I just need a place to unwind and unburden myself. Therefore, I blog. Blogging my thoughts keeps me from vomiting words at others. Here I can compose cohesive sentences that create real thoughts for folks to understand. Sometimes I may get "deep" and discuss some question of the universe or other times I may just give you a story that in no way will change your life and may actually lower your intelligence. I apologize for those beforehand.